WikiLeaks Moves Two Servers to Russia

Buildin’ on the work of Louise Mensch, Tea Pain was able to confirm two of WikiLeaks servers are now hosted inside the Russian Federation.

WikiLeaks Russia

A DNS (Domain Name Server) search reveals the IP addresses of six WikiLeaks servers.  Two of the servers, identified as and, show clearly to be hosted in Russia as indicated by endpoint 17 in the map above.

While WikiLeaks claims no ties to Russia, Internet analytics says otherwise.  Tea Pain has warned his users about visitin’ the WikiLeaks website over concerns of malware injection and other Russia tomfoolery!


Major Alfa Bank-Trump Tower Breakthrough!


The funny thing about mysteries is sometime the answer is starin’ you right in the face so intently you can’t see it.  A year ago, Tea Pain saw a signal in the noise that got him lookin’ into the mystery of the Trump Tower/Alfa Bank server scandal.  If you haven’t read about it yet, stop and read it before you continue.  Trump Tower’s “Stealth Russian Data Machine”

When Tea Pain first looked at the publicly available raw data logs he thought he was lookin’ at a buncha gibberish.  It was just scads and scads of DNS lookups, so many they made his eyeballs spin.  There was a bunch of what Tea Pain thought was duplicate entries that made finding a pattern all that much harder.  Tea Pain decided to look at the DNS lookup summaries instead.

Something jumped outta the data and bit him right on his digital hindquarters.  There was never more than 24 DNS lookups, or “connections” in one day.  The connections, on their busiest days averaged just a little over an hour apart.  Tea Pain, no stranger to databases, data transmittin’ and such, immediately recognized a pattern consistent with “Database Replication.”  Tea wrote an article that ended up gettin’ over 250,000 views and caught the attention of media outlets and even a U.S. Senator’s office.

This theory, if true, revealed a data transmission network constantly movin’ data between Russia’s Alfa Bank, Trump Tower and, believe it or not, Spectrum Health in Michigan.   Based on the feasibility and sensibility of this real world explanation, Tea Pain was asked to prepare a list of questions to be used in the Senate Intelligence committee’s investigation.  Tea Pain was mighty honored to oblige!

In the past few months, rumors have emerged that Bob Mueller’s team is lookin’ into the Alfa Bank mystery hot and heavy, promptin’ media outlets to start puttin’ fresh eyes on this year-old scandal.  Four news outlets contacted Tea Pain for explanation of the Database Replication theory that had been favored by many investigatin’ the case.

Newspaper folks ask a lotta questions and Tea Pain quickly realized that his theory needed a little beefin’ up so he decided to go back to square one and revisit the facts.  The reporters admitted that replication made the most sense, but they needed more to feel comfortable about what was goin’ on here. So Tea pulled up the original logs (available here) and went back to square one.  That’s when he saw it!  It wasn’t duplicates like he first thought. It was pairs! Right there in the logs lay the answer.


Above is a snippet of the raw logs.  Now look at it with just a little bit of help.


All the connections were made in sets of two, four, six, eight, etc.  This is the KEY to unlockin’ the whole shootin’ match!

Early database replication was fairly straight forward.  A process on one computer would “wake up” and see if there was any new data that needed to be sent to his digital step-brother.  The process would establish two connections with another computer, one outgoin’ and one incomin’ to broadcast data changes back and forth to the other database until both databases looked exactly alike.  Then it would go back to sleep, usually for an hour, then wake up and check again.

That was cool until databases got really big and the demand to replicate larger amounts of data increased.  Smart folks figured out they could create multiple sets of connections, known also as “threads” to replicate more data in less time.  Most databases spawn these threads in pairs of 2, 4, 6, 8 and so on.


So there it was, starin’ Tea Pain in the face the whole time.  He was clearly witnessin’ “Multi-threaded Database Replication” followin’ it’s predictable and programmed algorithm to a “T”.  Check out this snippet of activity and it’ll get even clearer.


Here’s a few sessions from July 28, durin’ the Stealth Data Machine’s busiest transmission period.  These reflect each time Alfa Bank contacted the Trump Tower server durin’ the wee mornin’ hours.  Notice each time a session starts, multiple threads are spawned in pairs of 2.  The real key thing to notice is the interval.  Just a little over an hour apart!

Typically, Alfa would contact Trump Tower, and exchange data for 4-5 minutes, plenty of time to exchange gigabytes of data on high-speed 1 gigabit commercial lines.  Then Alfa Bank sets a timer for an hour and goes to sleep.  Day in, day out, this stealth data machine labored away, sendin’ its treasonous cargo round the world disguised as everyday business data.

Alfa Chart Blank

There are 3 tell-tale signs of hourly database replication

  1. Never more than 24 sessions a day
  2. Never less than an hour apart ( typically an hour and a few minutes apart)
  3. Connections made in multi-threaded pairs of 2

There you have it folks.  We can’t see the money the crooks stole, but we can plainly see what kind of getaway car they was drivin’!  Tea Pain has faith that Bob Mueller’s crew has access to way more information than this and that all the naughty boys and girls involved will be brought to justice.







No Gun Nonsense!

Uncle Tea Guns.png

(The following is an excerpt from Tea Pain’s book, “American Tweetheart.”)

Nothin’ breaks Tea Pain’s heart more than news of a school shootin’. Them poor kids, full of hope and promise, their whole lives ahead of them, struck down before they even got started. It’s a cryin’ shame.

Conscientious folks that fight to prevent the next shootin’ must ultimately do battle with the NRA, one of the most well-organized, best-financed political lobbies in America.

Before we jump into one of the most hotly contested political issues on social media, Tea Pain’s gonna take us to church on the second amendment.

2nd Amendment

Tea Pain would wager you that 98% of “Second Amendment enthusiasts” have never read the entire Constitution. To top that, Tea’d bet you even money less than half of those folks ain’t never read the entire Second Amendment for that matter, cause it’s easily one of the most tortured sentences in the history of the English language.

Now Tea Pain ain’t no scholar, but he worked awfully hard to get his GED. Not to brag, but he was the first Pain to ever have one.  Gettin’ it before his 41st birthday was just icin’ on the cake!

One of the things Tea Pain remembered from his book learnin’ was sentence structure. There’s subjects, verbs, objects, nouns… all kinds of interestin’ stuff.  One of the things they teach you is that the subject of a sentence is usually near the beginnin’.  The Second Amendment is a perfect example: “A well-regulated Militia”.

Now if the Second Amendment was supposed to give folks the right to tote their guns to Chipotle, don’t you reckon it would have said that instead?  See, it’s mighty clear we’re talkin’ about local and state militias.  And not just any militia, mind you, but a “well-regulated” one. “Well-regulated” refers to rules and policies, controls over how the militia is to act and behave.  Ain’t it funny that the one part of the Constitution that allegedly gives everyone unregulated gun rights has the phrase “well-regulated” in it?

There’s a parlor trick 2nd Amendment fanatics try to play relyin’ on the fact that the proposed version had 3 commas and the ratified version has 1 comma.  They think they have discovered some mystical secret like the DaVinci code that radically changes the whole meanin’ of the Constitution.  Think of it this way.

A functionin’ brain stem, being necessary to use Twitter, the rights of the user to use Twitter shall not be infringed.  

Congratulations!  Usin’ their “logic”, if you remove two commas, you no longer need a brain stem to use Twitter! (Which would explain some folks’ tweets)  The commas were removed from the proposed version as a matter of style and changes nothin’ to the fact it deals with the authority for state militias, much like today’s National Guard. 

Now ask yourself another question.  If gun rights were the cornerstone of Constitutional freedom, why did they “forget” to put it in the first draft?  They actually had to include it later as an amendment, an afterthought.  There’s a simple reason for that: The Second Amendment has nothin’ to do with private gun ownership!

If these hillbilly “Constitutional experts” had actually studied American history, they’d know that ol’ King George had outlawed state militias, due to the fact they were part of the colonial rebellion against the crown.  The framers of the Constitution became concerned that one day an American “king” might rise wishin’ to do the same thing to protect his own abuse of power, so they made sure that well-regulated militias were codified in writin’ – that way Americans were guaranteed by law that they could protect themselves against tyranny. And that, friends, is why the Second Amendment was born: to allow us to bear arms to protect our “free state,” but within the bounds of a well-regulated militia.  See how simple things can be when you just read the words and know a little history?

Then what about gun rights?  Ain’t we allowed to own guns to hunt and protect ourselves with?  You’re dang right we are, because guns are covered under normal private property laws just like everything else we own. The government has no more right to take away our guns than our television sets or our blenders.

When Tommy Jefferson helped draft the Virginia Constitution, he wrote, “No freeman shall be debarred the use of arms within his own lands or tenements.”  Just like Tea Pain said.  Guns is for huntin’ and protectin’ and are covered under laws of personal property. But outside of our “lands or tenements,” gun use is within the purview of federal, state and local governments.

People will fuss at Tea Pain and say this “weakens” gun rights.  Oh contraire! There is no stronger cornerstone to the United States Constitution than ownership of personal property!  America’s founders understood clearly that private property is the foundation not only of prosperity but of freedom itself.  True gun enthusiasts would be wise to line up behind this immovable pillar of American democracy and stop torturin’ the poor Second Amendment!

When Wyatt, Virgil and Morgan Earp tried to keep the peace durin’ the Wild, Wild West out in Tombstone, Arizona, they made a law that it was illegal to carry guns outside of your home within the confines of Tombstone city limits. No one would ever accuse Wyatt Earp of bein’ a gun hatin’ liberal, at least not to his face.  That law was within their jurisdiction and never violated the personal property laws of gun ownership.

In closin’, Tea Pain’s gonna use one of the Republican’s most beloved arguments against ‘em.  Gun use, outside of our homes and property, is most often a matter of “states’ rights.”

That’s not to say that states have sole jurisdiction over gun regulations, but – referencin’ the 10th Amendment – anything not covered by the federal government is automatically left up to the states to decide.  To sum up, private gun ownership is rock solid.  Takin’ your guns to town, on the other hand, is up to federal, state and local governments.  Yes, patriots, it’s that simple.  Sensible gun control in the public square is achievable and 100% constitutional.  Remember, you heard it here.

Click here to view American Tweetheart on Amazon.

Good Samaritan 2017


A man asked Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?”

In reply Jesus said: “A poor woman’s house was destroyed by Hurricane Harvey.  President Trump flew to Texas to view the damage and saw the woman layin’ in the rubble.  

“Help me”, she gasped, in obvious pain.

“I’m sorry,” President Trump began, “but I’m too busy makin’ America great again to help you.”

Joel Osteen soon walked by, saw the woman in pain, and walked by on the other side of the street.

Ted Cruz, a U.S. senator, also saw the woman and crossed to the other side of the street.

But a DREAMER, who learned English, studied hard in school and became an EMT, happened upon the poor woman.  He pulled her from the wreckage, treated her wounds and stayed with her in the ambulance all the way to the hospital.

Jesus asked, Which of these do you think was a neighbor to the woman who was caught in the eye of the storm?”

The man replied, “The one who had mercy on her.”

Jesus told him, “I would tell you ‘Go and do the same’, but the man who wants to make America great again just deported him.”


Tokai Announce



Spectrum Health’s Role in the Trump-Russia Server Scandal

Much speculation and rumor has surrounded the mysterious data connections that bounced back and forth between Russia’s Alfa Bank, Trump Tower and the DeVos family’s Spectrum Health in Michigan prior to the 2016 election.  Rather than concentratin’ on whether it was top-secret spyware, database replication or some other whiz-bang data transmittin’ software, let’s step back and look at the role each site played and what value each player might have added to this little Trump-spiracy.

Now that some of the smoke has cleared, we know two basic facts.

  1.  Russian hackers were able to acquire voter rolls from a number of key battleground states.
  2. Russian bot-farms were able to inundate social media with fake news, propaganda and Trump-friendly talkin’ points in the run-up to the election.

The question we must ask is a simple, but important one, because the plausibility of this whole data-sharin’ shindig rests on it…

How did the Russians convert generic voter roll information into a specific list of targeted social media contacts?

In simpler terms…

From This To This

Voter rolls have basic information: name, address, maybe a phone number, but that’s it.  Unless you plan a massive door-knockin’ campaign, it’s pretty useless.  So, to repeat the question, how do you get from generic voter rolls to micro-targeted social media lists?  What’s the one thing that ties all these things together?  An email address!

From This To This

All Russian intelligence needed was to associate an email address with a name and address of a voter and bingo! Every social media account you own is tied to your email address, right?  Once they had an email, they could data-mine everything about you from your social media feeds.  They immediately knew if you were a Trumper, a Hill-bot, a Bernie Bro or a Stein fanatic, and could tailor a bot-campaign custom-made for you!

So where did they get the email addresses?  This is where Spectrum Health comes in.  Located in Grand Rapids, Michigan, Spectrum is smack dab in the middle of one of the states the Trump campaign had to tip to win.  They are a huge health-care provider with subsidiaries that include hospitals treatment facilities, urgent-care clinics, as well as physician practices that serve the western Michigan area.  But the big enchilada for this caper is their access to insurance provider databases from all over the United States.  And what do those insurance database all have?  Email addresses tied to a name and address!

Bam!  This is the key to tied the whole operation together.


So what did the DeVos family get in return for Spectrum’s role in this little ping-ping wing-ding?  You’ll have to ask the new Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos!


Casual Racism

You’ve heard of casual dress, casual dinin’, even casual sex.  Now add: “Casual Racism.”  Sadly it’s all around us to the point where we barely even notice it.  Let Tea Pain tell you about his brush with casual racism today.

Tea Pain was eatin’ lunch at the Golden Chopstick Chinese Buffet, easily the swankiest place in Harrison, Arkansas.   Tea Pain was mindin’ his own business, enjoyin’ his chop suey and cashew chicken when he overheard two ol’ boys in the next booth talkin’ about “that Obama.”

Here’s a snippet of the convo…

Bubba: “I know Trump had to say it to get elected, but you know Obama ain’t no citizen.”

Burford: “You got that right.  He wasn’t born in Hawaii.  Everybody knows that. He claims he’s a Christian, but he ain’t.”

Bubba: “He said he went to Harvard but I don’t believe that.  He wouldn’t even disclose his transcripts.  If he won’t show his transcripts, you know he’s hidin’ something!”

At this point, Tea Pain couldn’t resist, so he leaned over and dropped a clod in them boys’ churn.

“Do you fellers think Trump should release his tax returns?

Bubba cast a jaundiced look Tea Pain’s way and chimed in, “Nope.  A man’s entitled to his privacy.”

Tea Pain let Bubba’s words lay there for a minute hopin’ he’d smell the hefty irony over his chicken with garlic sauce, but all Tea Pain got in return was a dead-eyed mackerel stare.

Nobody called anybody the “N-word.”  There was no white-pride stickers on their trucks.  They’ve never even darkened the door of a KKK meetin’,  but them two fellers just stripped a man of his dignity and equality based on his skin color.  Sadly, it makes perfect sense to them that Trump is entitled to privacy just because he’s white (well, orange).  They genuinely believe Trump is a good Christian, but not Obama, even though both have made the same confession of faith.

Seein’ no victory to be won here, Tea Pain quietly finished his meal and opened his fortune cookie.  It said, “Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear or a fool from any direction.”


Comey’s Last Cast

Fishing at sunset on the Donegal coast (© John Rafferty Photography)

If you ever spent any time fishin’, you can appreciate the psychology behind the FBI’s bombshell leak today that it used Christoper Steele’s now-famous dossier to obtain a FISA warrant against Trump adviser Carter Page last year.  This means the dossier was corroborated against other available evidence and met the threshold of “probable cause” to obtain the warrant.

That’s all well and good, but what does it mean in context of the current #TrumpRussia scandal?  That’s where the fishin’ comes in!

Tea Pain Carter Page Worm

Last week James Comey trickled out a teasin’ little morsel that Carter Page was the target of a FISA warrant.  This was ol’ Jimmy baitin’ his hook and danglin’ it in the water to see what mid-level minnow was interested in takin’ a nibble. Once Jimmy snagged him a nice juicy bait-fish or two, he’d be ready to go after the illusive tiny-finned King Fish.

If Page is the worm, then who is the little fish?  Why any one of a dozen of the usually scaly suspects will do: Mike Finn, Roger Stonefish, or Paul Manatee, maybe even a few more exotic species such as mayor-mackerel Giuliani or Boris “Blowfish” Epshteyn.

So what does this leak really mean?  First of all, it was leaked intentionally and had a loud and clear message: Comey has plenty of little fish and now he’s just cullin’.  What is “cullin'”, you ask?  That’s when you done caught your limit, but you keep on fishin’, keepin’ the bigger fish while throwin’ the little ones back.  Today’s leak is also a signal, a clarion-call that Comey is about to make his final cast and head to the house.

The dossier is for real and if you’re in it, then God help ya!  The little fish with the best fish-story escapes the fryer!