Tea Pain loves fishin’ more than life itself, but sadly he ain’t been since Trump got elected in 2016. Now that Joe Biden’s in the White House takin’ care of business, Tea thought it was time to treat himself, so he and his good friend Dewey Oyler headed up to Table Rock Lake.
There ain’t nothin’ better than to unplug from the interwebs and spend a day in a boat communin’ with crappies with nothin’ but a rod, a reel and a cooler of PBR. But the best thing about about the lake is that it’s a great way to get away from politics. Or so Tea thought.
There we was, out on this rocky point, pullin’ in largemouth and spotted bass like takin’ twenties out of an ATM. The beer was cold, the fishin’ was hot and all was right with the world…that is until the world’s biggest floatin’ boom box came round the bend.
About 300 yards away was this place on Table Rock called “The Swings”, a party cove where folks like to gather while their kids swing from overhangin’ cliffs on long ropes, finishin’ up with a satisfyin’ swoosh into the clear, deep water below.
The “boombox” turned out to be a black Wakemaster 5000, a 22 foot ski boat with an overhead rack the owner had converted into a 20,000 watt sound system Lynyrd Skynyrd would have been envious of. Atop the mountain of tweeters and woofers was, you guessed it, a Trump flag. Just like Dear Leader, they insisted on bein’ the loudest and most obnoxious force on the lake, their “look at me” attitude on full display as they weaved in and out of the party cove boaters at high speed, leavin’ in their wake a flotsam of chaos and empty beer cans.
They made two surgical passes through the floatilla of weekenders and began their third run, it’s inebriated occupants whoopin’ and hollerin’ “Trump Won! Trump Won! Trump twenty twenty one!” The driver decided to display his genetic superiority by takin’ a dare-devil path between two big pontoons and the 150 foot bluff. These folks musta been from outta town, because if they was locals they would know they were headed straight for the two rope swings Tea mentioned earlier in this story.
The first rope snagged the ski hook on the top rack of the Wakemaster, rippin’ the entire overhead assembly off as easy as a poppin’ a top on a Milla Light. The driver received a glancin’ blow that left him flat on his back in the floor as his MAGA barge took a sharp left and began to throttle down. Just so happens a lake patrol boat was pullin’ up about that time to check out all the excitement. Fate, as you know can be a fickle mistress at times. The Wakemaster 5000, now fully woke and optin’ not to go down in a blaze of glory, sputtered and gasped its dyin’ breath as it broadsided the much larger patrol boat.
Tea and Dewey popped the top on another cold one and trolled around the point as the officers cuffed and escorted the driver and his 3 MAGA buddies to a night in the Taney county drunk tank and a Monday mornin’ arraignment over at the courthouse in Forsyth.
Like Tea Pain said, Tea loves fishin’ more than anything in this world, and this might have just been the best trip yet.